John Metcalfe was CityLab’s Bay Area bureau chief, covering climate change and the science of cities.
Go into a grocery store. Pretend to fall down while carrying two gallons of milk. Post on the Internet.
What is it with kids and their milk nowadays? Before, you couldn't force them to drink the moo juice, and now they're flailing all around in it like they're on fire and milk is the only thing that can put it out.
If you recall your high-larious off-the-wall fads of late, first there came a bunch of guys pouring cartons of milk over themselves in public places. "Milking" blazed fiercely for about half a second before falling into obscurity. It was fun, but it didn't involve the ingredient of personal danger that made "planking" such a popular and lethal worldwide hit.
So will "gallon smashing" – the act of pretending to trip in a grocery store while throwing gallons of milk or juice to the floor – catch on where milking didn't? Who cares. Honestly, the only reason this is posted here is in case it turns out that one of these kids severely sprained a tailbone, the grocery-store employees who cleaned up their messes can get a good laugh watching it happen.
If you're wondering who the geniuses behind gallon smashing are, DCist identifies them as "Stupid Jerkass Northern Virginia Teenagers," which having grown up in the area sounds about right. The site also offers the proper etiquette for dealing with them should you cross paths in the dairy aisle: If you spot a "teenager sprawled on the floor of a supermarket after appearing to drop his groceries, just leave him there and don't offer any assistance."