Kriston Capps is a staff writer for CityLab covering housing, architecture, and politics. He previously worked as a senior editor for Architect magazine.
Our predictions for this weekend. May God save New York City.
Friday evening ushers in the start of Manhattanhenge, an ancient and celestial celebration of New York City. Once every 500 years, the living spirit of the cosmos descends to Earth to remind humankind that the sun revolves around New York (or, at least, very occasionally aligns with its street grid). Manhattanhenge does not end until every person who lives or works there posts a picture of Manhattanhenge on Instagram.
Such an important event on the cosmic calendar comes only once in a lifetime. So it’s critical to separate the facts from the fiction. This is what we know—so far—about what will happen this Manhattanhenge.
Did you know. . . ?
- If you stand in Times Square and stare directly into the sun, an animated character will come to life and hand you a flyer.
- New York Mayor Bill De Blasio’s 200,000 units of affordable housing will appear all at once at sundown. They turn market rate after the last light of Durin's Day.
- Whisper a couplet from Walt Whitman's "Mannahatta" on 57th Street and Rizzoli will reopen for 24 hours.
- The Second Avenue Subway will begin service, and the good and the righteous will know its route. (See mta.info for service alerts.)
- Murray Hill will be judged.
- Every trend explored by The New York Times will come to life. Grannie panties. Dyed beards. Teenage real-estate agents. Tiaras!
- Related: All wives get bonuses!
- Everyone moves up one. Renters move into co-ops. Co-op owners move into condos. Condo owners move into penthouses. Penthouse owners ascend into the sky.
- A great leader will return from the north: The Pa-Ta-Ki. He's from Poughkeepsie, I think? He is a liberal (nowadays).
- Quesos are $1 off and domestics are $2 off at Javelina. Muy auténtico!
- The reason all those storefronts are closed in the West Village: Manhattanhenge! All of them re-open on Monday.
- The new Whitney Museum is open through Manhattanhenge. So is the old Whitney Museum. During Manhattanhenge, every building in New York City is a Whitney Museum.
- Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Lil Mama R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!!
- Dogs and cats, living together!
- Hum the words to “Dirty Blvd.” in front of the Museum of Modern Art and a cavernous pit will open in the earth, swallowing up MoMA and expanding diametrically until it consumes every last pencil-thin tower on Billionaire’s Row.
- Angels in America will return to Broadway. Look, I didn’t get to see it in the 1990s. Give me this one, it’s been 20 years!
- Married couples with roommates will divorce. Single individuals with roommates will marry. It is known.
- New York Governor Andrew Cuomo and Mayor de Blasio will join hands in a pagan ceremony celebrating brotherhood, mutual understanding, and shared enterprise. Sister Quinn will preside.
- Harlem’s A$AP Mob will be lit.
- That bronze sculpture of Juliana Huxtable will march out of the New Museum and prepare the Lower East Side to receive its Queen (Juliana Huxtable).
- If you look west, the sun will appear to set kind of between the buildings.
- Fans will forgive Alex Rodriguez and focus on the great baseball that he’s playing now.
And finally. . . .
- The G train will run on schedule without any service changes or interruptions.