A major winter storm tests the lower states' snow-sculpting mettle.

Roll three different-sized snowballs, stack them, apply carrot and eye/mouth material of your choice—bam, you got yourself a snowman.

The process sounds so simple, yet in the South, where places are getting socked with up to 10 inches of powder, people are managing to screw it up. Maybe that's because it is many folks' first real snowstorm and they don't know what a snowman looks like, or maybe there's not enough stuff on the ground to work with, but the creatures that are popping up in Alabama, Arkansas, and Texas look funky, craven, and plagued with head deformities.

So that leads to the question: Do Southerners know how to make a snowman?

My personal opinion is yes, most do, though there are a few that fail spectacularly. I'm just going throw some of these ones out and let the people decide. One important note: A few of these appear partly constructed by children, who should not bear a single flake of blame. It's every parent's responsibility to ensure their kids grow up knowing how to knock out a healthy-looking snowman.

Let's set the scene with how surreal a time it is to be in the South (Alabama in particular):

Here is one man's "first attempt at a snowman" (this theme will become pronounced):

A snowman with an hour-glass waist and a conehead (cute little girl, though):

#snowman #fail in Texas:

Fail snowman attempt... #snowman #fail #snowday

A photo posted by Urban Star Pictures (@urbanstarpictures) on

The blobfish of snowmen:

This lumpish tiki mama appears to have a dress made from cold spaghetti:

Seriously, can somebody explain the coneheads?

You'll have to pry it from its cold, dead hands:

Do ya wanna build a snowman?! #FebruarySnow #FirstSnowman

A photo posted by Kitty Kendal (@kittykendal) on

How's it goin', stretch:

Conehead!!

#Emma#firstsnowman#so sweet

A photo posted by Amanda by (@amandalafoe420) on

Here's a reminder that Maryland is still considered a Southern state:

There's something wrong with this guy, too, but it looks intentional:

About the Author

Most Popular

  1. photo: Police line up outside the White House in Washington, D.C. as protests against the killing of George Floyd continue.
    Perspective

    America’s Cities Were Designed to Oppress

    Architects and planners have an obligation to protect health, safety and welfare through the spaces we design. As the George Floyd protests reveal, we’ve failed.

  2. A photo of a police officer in El Paso, Texas.
    Equity

    What New Research Says About Race and Police Shootings

    Two new studies have revived the long-running debate over how police respond to white criminal suspects versus African Americans.

  3. Equity

    What Happened to Crime in Camden?

    Often ranked as one of the deadliest cities in America, Camden, New Jersey, ended 2017 with its lowest homicide rate since the 1980s.

  4. A participant holding a Defund Police sign at the protest in Brooklyn.
    Equity

    To Defund the Police, Activists Rewrote City Budgets

    As national protesters call for defunding police, a movement for anti-racist “people’s budgets” is spreading from LA to Nashville to Grand Rapids.

  5. Four New York City police officers arresting a man.
    Equity

    The Price of Defunding the Police

    A new report fleshes out the controversial demand to cut police department budgets and reallocate those funds into healthcare, housing, jobs, and schools. Will that make communities of color safer?

×