Emily Badger is a former staff writer at CityLab. Her work has previously appeared in Pacific Standard, GOOD, The Christian Science Monitor, and The New York Times. She lives in the Washington, D.C. area.
★★SPECTACULAR★★ BROWNSTONE CANDY BAR!!! EASILY CONVERTS INTO 12 BARS!!!
If you've ever perused apartment listings in the classifieds, or spent any amount of time on Craigslist, you are probably familiar with the particular tropes of the art form: So many exclamation points!!! THE UNNECESSARY ALL CAPS. The legally required utilities recast as luxury. And, for entirely inexplicable reasons, ★★★stars★★★!
It's all crafted as supporting evidence for the one detail that can't be airbrushed: the price tag. (Newly Renovated, Stunning, Spacious Studio w/ Private Terrace! $2199) Based on unscientific assessment, we'll posit that the more ridiculous the rent, the more absurd the rental ad. Which also means, if you've been hunting for a home in New York, or Washington, or San Francisco, you've probably seen the best of the genre.
This brings us to The Broker Bodega, a particularly therapeutic Tumblr send-up of the comic world of rental ads (yes, this world has spawned a lot of great Tumblrs, because what are you going to do with a $3,000, 300 square-foot luxury affordable basement studio but laugh, and then cry, and then blog about it?).
So, as Dan Brill's Broker Bodega wonders, "What if NYC apartment brokers ran a bodega?" Well, probably this: