Craigslist

★★SPECTACULAR★★ BROWNSTONE CANDY BAR!!! EASILY CONVERTS INTO 12 BARS!!!

If you've ever perused apartment listings in the classifieds, or spent any amount of time on Craigslist, you are probably familiar with the particular tropes of the art form: So many exclamation points!!! THE UNNECESSARY ALL CAPS. The legally required utilities recast as luxury. And, for entirely inexplicable reasons, ★★★stars★★★!

It's all crafted as supporting evidence for the one detail that can't be airbrushed: the price tag. (Newly Renovated, Stunning, Spacious Studio w/ Private Terrace! $2199) Based on unscientific assessment, we'll posit that the more ridiculous the rent, the more absurd the rental ad. Which also means, if you've been hunting for a home in New York, or Washington, or San Francisco, you've probably seen the best of the genre.

This brings us to The Broker Bodega, a particularly therapeutic Tumblr send-up of the comic world of rental ads (yes, this world has spawned a lot of great Tumblrs, because what are you going to do with a $3,000, 300 square-foot luxury affordable basement studio but laugh, and then cry, and then blog about it?).

So, as Dan Brill's Broker Bodega wonders, "What if NYC apartment brokers ran a bodega?" Well, probably this:

And this:

And this:

★★★!

About the Author

Emily Badger

Emily Badger is a former staff writer at CityLab. Her work has previously appeared in Pacific StandardGOODThe Christian Science Monitor, and The New York Times. She lives in the Washington, D.C. area.

Most Popular

  1. Design

    The Military Declares War on Sprawl

    The Pentagon thinks better designed, more walkable bases can help curb obesity and improve troops’ fitness.

  2. Postcards showing the Woodner when it used to be a luxury apartment-hotel in the '50s and '60s, from the collection of John DeFerrari
    Equity

    The Neighborhood Inside a Building

    D.C.’s massive Woodner apartment building has lived many lives—from fancy hotel to one of the last bastions of affordable housing in a gentrifying neighborhood. Now, it’s on the brink of another change.

  3. Members of a tenants' organization in East Harlem gather outside the office of landlord developer Dawnay, Day Group, as lawyers attempt to serve the company with court papers on behalf of tenants, during a press conference in New York. The tenant's group, Movement for Justice in El Barrio, filed suit against Dawnay, Day Group, the London-based investment corporation "for harassing tenants by falsely and illegally charging fees in attempts to push immigrant families from their homes and gentrify the neighborhood," said Chaumtoli Huq, an attorney for the tenants.
    Equity

    Toward Being a Better Gentrifier

    There’s a right way and a wrong way to be a neighbor during a time of rapid community change.

  4. Equity

    The Poverty Just Over the Hills From Silicon Valley

    The South Coast, a 30-mile drive from Palo Alto, is facing an affordable-housing shortage that is jeopardizing its agricultural heritage.

  5. Life

    Why a City Block Can Be One of the Loneliest Places on Earth

    Feelings of isolation are common in cities. Let’s take a look at how the built environment plays into that.