Fisticuffs, a bullhorn, meter maids, brutal rhymes—this ditty’s got it all.

A few days ago, I witnessed the absolute dumbest fight I’ve ever seen—right here in the broad daylight of San Francisco.Today I was going to write my usual third-person-bastard account of the incident. But I'm trying to stretch myself into scary new forms of writing. So, regrettably for you, I instead used my footage of the fight to write a song.The best way to watch this video is to not watch it. The second best way is to rotate your phone and tap the barely-visible “HD” button in the bottom right after opening the video. Thanks to my friends who continue to support my close calls with sanity.

Posted by Blake Ross on Friday, October 23, 2015

Last week, Blake Ross was jarred from his Mission District roost by a ruckus in the street. Looking outside, he found a chaotic farce unfolding: a man riding on a bike with a megaphone, yelling at a tow-truck operator, and soon being yelled at by a half-naked dude in a window.

That man came downstairs and that’s when a ton of meter maids got involved and punches started flying. Ross preserved it all on film. But rather than just post it for mockery on YouTube, he devoted significant effort to turning it into perhaps the greatest musical short of 2015, mixing oh-so San Francisco quotes such as, “You, sir, are a Nazi sympathizer!” with rhymes like, “It’s the asshat hat-trick / We’re in an asshat bubble, Mitt.”

Ross, a co-creator of Mozilla Firefox who dabbles in fan fiction for Mike Judge’s Silicon Valley, explains his wonderful ballad on Facebook:

A few days ago, I witnessed the absolute dumbest fight I’ve ever seen—right here in the broad daylight of San Francisco.

Today I was going to write my usual third-person-bastard account of the incident. But I’m trying to stretch myself into scary new forms of writing. So, regrettably for you, I instead used my footage of the fight to write a song.

The best way to watch this video is to not watch it. The second best way is to rotate your phone and tap the barely-visible “HD” button in the bottom right after opening the video.

Be warned the video contains profanity, some Latin, and Ross’s weirdly distorted voice, which he says is “me after taking every pitch slider I could find and dragging it to the far right.”

H/t SFist

About the Author

Most Popular

  1. a photo of a full parking lot with a double rainbow over it
    Transportation

    Parking Reform Will Save the City

    Cities that require builders to provide off-street parking trigger more traffic, sprawl, and housing unaffordability. But we can break the vicious cycle.   

  2. A woman looks straight at camera with others people and trees in background.
    Equity

    Why Pittsburgh Is the Worst City for Black Women, in 6 Charts

    Pittsburgh is the worst place for black women to live in for just about every indicator of livability, says the city’s Gender Equity Commission.

  3. Life

    Mapping the Changing Colors of Fall Across the U.S.

    Much of the country won’t see those vibrant oranges and reds until mid-October, which leaves plenty of time for leaf peepers to plan their autumn road trips.

  4. a map comparing the sizes of several cities
    Maps

    The Commuting Principle That Shaped Urban History

    From ancient Rome to modern Atlanta, the shape of cities has been defined by the technologies that allow commuters to get to work in about 30 minutes.

  5. a photo of a man at a bus stop in Miami
    Transportation

    Very Bad Bus Signs and How to Make Them Better

    Clear wayfinding displays can help bus riders feel more confident, and give a whole city’s public transportation system an air of greater authority.

×