Fairy tales can come true. They’re just very, very expensive.
Aspiring kings, queens, and assorted lesser royals, rejoice: Curbed recently discovered that every state in America is home to at least one castle, eighteen of which are for sale at this very minute.
Often, we write about how to address the urgent need for affordable housing; this is about as far from a solution as you can get. These dwellings aren’t affordable, and they’re not really houses, either—they’re bizarrely palatial spreads fit for the suburban monarchy.
- Daphe, Alabama: Unlike many of the other residences for sale, this Alabama home has no official name. But you can be the one to change that, if 6,433 square feet of vaulted ceilings and stone walls complete with a “mother-in-law suite” tickle your fancy. There’s a suit of armor standing guard at the front door and a creek in the backyard, which is about as close to a real moat as you’re going to get in Alabama. Asking price: $1.8 million
- Alpine, California: Alpine Castle does have a name, albeit an unimaginative one. But a bit of creativity would serve you well if you came into possession of this 20,000-square-foot piece of work. With six bedrooms and an entranceway to rival any great hall, the interior decorating opportunities are limitless. Just be ready to defend yourself in the basement dungeon. Asking price: $1.795 million
- Greenwich, Connecticut: Forget for a moment, if you will, the fact that Hemlock Castle is named after a highly poisonous plant and revel instead in the fact that for a mere $1 million per bedroom, this ivy-covered stone palace, absent from the market for the past 20 years, is now prime for the seizing. Asking price: $11 million
- Punta Gorda, Florida: The palm trees lining the path to this four-bedroom estate are pure Florida; the décor imported from Italy, China, and Egypt is pure mercenary. Asking price: $1.59 million
- Peru, Indiana: Nothing about this Indiana home makes sense: it’s located in a place called Peru, boasts an exterior mashup of a Dutch windmill and an English Tudor, and decorates its lawn with both a gazebo and a telephone booth. But then again, just look at that bargain price. Asking price: $199,500
- Las Vegas, Nevada: Upon taking possession of this six-bedroom spectacle, you will also acquire a 16-foot electric boat to ferry you across the high seas of the manmade lake out back. Asking price: $4.6 million
- Adel, Iowa: Despite the presence of a turret, “castle” seems a bit of a stretch here. “Provincial farmhouse manor” might be more accurate. The idyllic Racoon River Valley location suggests opportunities for wilderness adventuring; failing that, there’s always the indoor gym. Asking price: $574,900
- Versailles, Kentucky: It’s in Versailles. Ignore the fact that in this case, it’s pronounced Ver-sales. Asking price: $15 million
- Saint Clair Shores, Michigan: This lakeside venue hits all the markers of a royal dwelling: stone walls, turrets, a great room complete with a fireplace. And, this being the Detroit suburbs, it’s also got a motor court—AKA a circular drive. Asking price: $595,000
- Watchung, New Jersey: For a castle, it’s pretty unassuming; for what you might expect from a castle in New Jersey, it’s even more so. Noted: a small wooden shed out back where one could escape with some booze pilfered from the stone-lined wine room. Asking price: $1.979 million
- Bolton Landing, New York: In 1982, a man named John Lavender promised his three-year-old son a castle; 800 tons of stone later, Highlands Castle was complete. Nowadays, it’s primarily used as a wedding venue, but if you have more than a few cool millions to your name, you can crush the hopes and dreams of future brides and snag it for yourself. Asking price: $12.8 million
- Fremont, North Carolina: Of all the properties on this list, this modest stone dwelling is, hands down, the most likely to be haunted. The triangular stained-glass windows peering out of short turrets border on churchlike, and the claim that the force-air heating system was revamped in 2015 does little to dispel the overwhelming sense of draftiness. Asking price: $320,000
- Inman, South Carolina: Though listed as a “European castle,” this Southern home really is the epitome of a gated community manor house, give or take a couple spiral staircases. Asking price: $1.2 million
- Scranton, Pennsylvania: Overlooking the questionable presence of something called the “guy and billiards room,” this 8-bedroom Tudor extravaganza is a shockingly good deal. Asking price: $699,900
- New Braunfels, Texas: It’s big, it’s brassy, it’s very obviously located in Texas. Spend your days sliding down the Beauty and the Beast-esque banister wondering what use one could possibly have for 14 separate bathrooms. Asking price: $3.8 million
- Draper, Utah: Come to the Draper Castle for the French-chateau-inspired architecture and gated footbridge; stay for the personal theater room and the indoor basketball courts. Asking price: $10.4 million
- Saint Albans, Vermont: Containing all the benefits of royal living without the baggage, this pondside palace is new and shiny and unburdened by any traces of previous occupants—actually, it’s not even finished yet. Which means you can complete the final flourishes however you see fit—but the stone blocks, turret, and vaulted ceilings are non-negotiable. Asking price: $625,000
- Richland, Washington: The qualifications for castle have been fudged (or quite possibly, steamrolled) to get this Washington property on the list, but The Castle at Badger Mountain holds onto the category with every strong beam it’s got. The “dungeon-like tunnel” connecting the three-car garage to the main house is, admittedly, a point in its favor. Asking price: $1.75 million