12news.com

A giant balloon went rogue in the Arizona suburb.

Video footage acquired by the local NBC affiliate shows residents of Peoria, Arizona fleeing in terror on Thursday as a giant pumpkin descended upon them. None were spared by the wrath of the jack-o’-lantern, the living embodiment of the cult of Samhain.

Warning: This footage is incredibly disturbing. It is recommended that viewers steel themselves before watching. But do not watch too closely—lest you too succumb to the fate of the Phoenix suburb.

The gourd awakened infernal dreams in all who beheld its apparition, per the report. An insane murmur could be detected in the audio recording: perhaps the whisperings of the maniacal and demented, the lost and ever-unchanging, the dead souls, funneled into our realm from some nether dimension by this arcane and over-large squash.

Perhaps the most difficult news of all: The pumpkin was summoned by the citizens of Peoria themselves. An autumnal display organized by the city was the channel for this fell spirit. The residents were willing participants in their own destruction; in the end, their embrace of darkness was irrevocable.

Whether in the end the people of Peoria repented, no one in this world can say. They took their secrets to their graves. There is no witness left to tell. The city got totally squashed.

12news.com

About the Author

Most Popular

  1. A sign outside a storefront in Buffalo, New York.
    Environment

    Will Buffalo Become a Climate Change Haven?

    The Western New York city possesses a distinct mix of weather, geography, and infrastructure that could make it a potential climate haven. But for whom?

  2. photo: A vacant home in Oakland that is about to demolished for an apartment complex.
    Equity

    Fix California's Housing Crisis, Activists Say. But Which One?

    As a controversy over unoccupied homes in the Bay Area and Los Angeles reveals, advocates disagree about what kind of housing should be built, and where.

  3. photo: a high-speed train in Switzerland
    Transportation

    The Case for Portland-to-Vancouver High-Speed Rail

    At the Cascadia Rail Summit outside Seattle, a fledgling scheme to bring high-speed rail from Portland to Vancouver found an enthusiastic reception.

  4. A photo of a police officer in El Paso, Texas.
    Equity

    What New Research Says About Race and Police Shootings

    Two new studies have revived the long-running debate over how police respond to white criminal suspects versus African Americans.

  5. Environment

    The City Known for ‘Sewer Socialists’ Actually Has Great Sewers

    Milwaukee now averages a mere 2.4 combined sewer overflows a year, thanks to a massive underground tunnel, green infrastructure, and flood-control measures.

×