Reuters

The thoroughfares of Pyongyang feature the greatest amenities for the convenience and efficiency of the socialist worker.

Pyongyang, the capital city of revolution, is a world-class city! Its thoroughfares feature the greatest amenities for the convenience and efficiency of the socialist worker. Thank you, Dear Leader, for inventing bike lanes!  

The decadent Western media reports with great envy that the glorious Democratic People’s Republic of Korea has installed cycle paths on avenues throughout Pyongyang. The bike lane shows the true path that our comrades will take as they ride or walk—to victory! Feckless imitators in the imperialist U.S. are building copycat bike lanes to segregate drivers and cyclists in hopes of creating safe transit paths for both motorists and riders alike. But it will not save them!

Bike lanes in Pyongyang feature “sharrows,” the concept of revolution that the Dear Leader has conceived out of love for his people’s locomotion. Comrade, let us find out more about the people’s bike lanes!

(Reuters)

Who uses bike lanes in Pyongyang?

All of the glorious citizens of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea enjoy riding! Women may not wear pants or ride bicycles on the streets in North Korean cities, however all of the children of our Great Leader and Dear Leaders comport themselves to the highest ideals thanks to their proper socialist upbringing—so this rule rarely needs to be enforced. (Denim is worn by the American dogs only.)

Is North Korea engaging in a war on cars?

It is a fair question! Vehicles advance in Pyongyang under the banner of Marxism-Leninism and the Juche Idea. The revolutionary worker loves luxury sedans and Russian jeeps; in Pyongyang there is a rising share of drivers, but never the selfish traffic of the American Empire of Devils. Any car that allies itself with the Toothless Wolf will be smashed by the patriotic citizenry!   

(Reuters)

In the imperialist West there are popular Tumblr sites with photos of things blocking bike lanes. What’s blocking the bike lanes in Pyongyang?

There is nothing blocking the Korean bike lane, what do you mean? The love and strength of our Outstanding Leader would not permit it to be. Comrade, what is a Tumblr?

Are Pyongyang’s bike lanes part of a larger multi-modal transit infrastructure system?

It is another fair question! There are many opportunities for the people to travel by bicycle across the greater Pyongyang region:

Our North Korea Bike Tour is unlike any tour ever offered in the DPRK! We’ll cycle west for 12 km on the Road of Youth Heroes and tackle 30 km of beautiful, winding roads leading from Chonnae County to the picturesque Ulim Waterfalls. We’ll supplement these treks with leisurely rides like our 12 km city ride through the streets of Pyongyang! or a morning ride along city center in Wonsan. On top of that, we’ll provide as many opportunities as possible for you to experience North Korean people and culture, whether it’s beach volleyball at the Majon Pleasure Ground or mixing with locals at the Golden Lanes Bowling Alley. Join us on this magnificent journey and prepare yourself to meet wonderful people and broaden your world perspective.

The ideology of the capitalist pig does not even permit beach volleyball. I ask you, glorious workers of the Land of the Morning Calm, where do you rather choose to cycle: Pyongyang or New York?

About the Author

Kriston Capps
Kriston Capps

Kriston Capps is a staff writer at CityLab.

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